Eww...

This is larger than the actual size of a Deer Tick. I think in reality they wouldn't be much larger than this O.

A magnified view of a vicious and ferocious man eating monster...

My dear friend Stacy (possibly ex-friend, keep reading...) took me to a lovely place called Sharon Woods today. E was with us. Our goal was to tromp 1.7 miles in the bush in hopes of burning off some of the excess' we tend to fill our faces with during the week (the usual stuff: broccoli, carrots, lean meats - you know...). It was a clear, sunny day with just a slight breeze so that one would remain fresh and sweat free. Fabulous, no? Yes, so it would appear! But little did I know Stacy was taking me into "The Trap of Doom" (if you say this with a James Earl Jones like voice is sounds much more menacing)!

You see, in much of this great land of ours (North America - I'm all inclusive) a silent and deadly killer is waiting in the tall trees, grasses, bushes, flowers, heck, they're everywhere. It waits hoping that some unsuspecting victim will fall unsuspectingly into its dreaded grasp. And then, it crawls ever so slowly, little bit, by little bit, passing hair after hair until it has found that oh, so warm spot in a crevice on your body (most likely behind your knee or ear - sicko, I know what you were thinking...). This ferocious, blood sucking vampire is none other than THE DEER TICK! I shudder at the mere thought of it's name. Really, I'm shuddering and scratching like crazy as I'm writing... it's something awful... ick.

Now, I may be a bit of a sissy here because I really haven't found a deer tick on myself since I was 12 or 13 or something like that but I have seen them within the last 5 years and they scare the CRAP out of me! Did you know they burrow their little head under your skin, then suck your blood until they balloon up to the size of well, I don't know but the ones I used to find on my dog were HUGE, like the size of a nickel or something.... totally gross.

So far, I haven't found any from today's excursion but if I do I'm cutting Stacy loose. I just can't handle that kind of adventure. I can cut across the street willy nilly or go swimming after eating, heck, I can even stick my tongue to a cold flag pole in January but I'll be damned if I'm going walking through the bush filled with Deer Ticks. That's just way too dangerous for me - she's a rebel man and I'm not up for that kind of stuff. My mom would be appalled.

Author's Note: I apologize for bringing this subject up. I know it's gross and you know it's gross, especially if you've ever found a deer tick on you. It's Stacy's fault we're having this discussion. I did not know they had them here in this great state of Ohio. Now I think I might have to move. Darn it, I was really starting to like it here and my potatoes are coming up and everything....